The reality is that I’ve gone “overdue” with 3 out of 4 babies. Based off of the ESTIMATED due date, I’ve gone to almost 42 weeks each time. Sadly, what has changed in our society is the idea that somehow going over your EDD is now what it means to be “overdue” but that actually isn’t the case. The EDD is the middle date between 37-43 weeks. At 37 weeks you are considered full-term and the baby is most likely going to have all functions in working order. At 43 weeks (or the end of 42 full weeks) you are then considered overdue and complications can arise as something seems to be preventing labor from happening. The average is 40 weeks, your EDD, but naturally most women would go to 41 weeks of pregnancy and that is providing you have a very accurate due date. I have two EDD, one based on LMP and one off of an ultrasound I had at 19 weeks. Both of them have margins of error and between the two dates are 5 days. I could be 8 days past EDD today…..or I could be 13 days past…based off of those two estimates.
Just as babies learn to roll, crawl, walk and talk at their own pace, they also develop in the womb at their own pace. My babies like extra time in the womb and I am glad to be healthy enough to provide that space for them. New research as shown that each week a baby spends in utero, they gain so much more than just weight.
But my babies have also all been “big”. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve had other people insert their fear and worry into my birth because of the potential size of this baby. My two smallest were 8 lbs 13oz and 8 lbs 14oz born at 38 weeks and 40 weeks + 5 days, respectively. They were posterior back labors, long and difficult. My two largest were 10 lbs 5oz and 11 lbs 10 oz born at 10 days past EDD and 8 days past EDD, respectively. They started with my waters breaking, they were short labors (5 hours and 1.5 hours) and they were easy with quicker recoveries. As a baby, I was 8lbs 13oz and my husband was 9 lbs. I grow them big.
With this pregnancy I’ve worked diligently to watch my blood sugars. I’ve never actually been diagnosed with gestational diabetes, but I feel like I’m borderline enough to warrant concern. I test my sugars at home, I watch what I eat and balance my meals and exercise. I’ve never worked harder than I have this pregnancy to keep this under control. It has been the main focus of my life for months.
Thus far, I’ve kept my mouth shut and was polite. I can no longer stay silent. When I’ve worked so hard it stings to constantly get it thrown in my face. I say this because I’m so tired of hearing that people don’t envy me for the big babies I have. That they can’t believe I won’t get induced before they reach that size. That it must be incredibly more painful to squeeze a squishy fat baby out. That I must have a floppy stretched out vagina (yes, I’ve actually been told that). Aren’t I scared of shoulder distocia? Shouldn’t I get a Cesarean Section? At some point I’ve gone from the beautiful pregnancy glow to “holy shit, that’s a huge belly.”
I am unable to find the article, but there is a lovely idea that when someone is going through a life changing event, the people around them should never vent to people closest to the event. Take your concerns and issues to the outer circle. Tell your friends, your sister, talk about it somewhere else, but do not tell the person sitting in the midst that you are worried or scared for them. It isn’t supportive nor helpful to tell a 100 week pregnant woman that you don’t envy the pain of her large baby when she is about to birth at any minute. To veil your concern with a quick snippet of sarcasm about how each day will guarantee you get a nice large one. Jokes about needing a shoehorn or crowbar to get the baby out.
I wasn’t going to say anything but it got to be too much. Too many people with too many concerns and instead of hiding until my little (big) baby came into this world I decided to talk about it. For all the moms being pressured for large babies or being overdue.
TRUTH IS:
I am not large-boned or have big matronly hips. I am normally a size 4/6 in jeans and narrow in the hips. I tend towards being an apple shape, so naturally while pregnant I get a very large belly in comparison to my thinner legs. The natural progression of pregnancy and hormones allows my hips to spread, my pubic bone separates (often earlier than labor which my chiropractor helps to keep in alignment and alleviate pain) and the baby’s head molds to fit through.
My vagina isn’t overly large or floppy. My husband is very satisfied as proof by my large brood of children. This isn’t something I would normally discuss, as it is obviously personal, but since it was brought up, I will let you know….it functions beautifully.
Yes, this is my 5th baby and no I won’t hiccup and birth the baby on the front lawn. If only it were that easy. If that did actually occur? I wouldn’t need someone else to “deliver me”. (I’m looking at you neighbor’s sister who is a trauma surgeon that I’ve never met)
Waiting until the baby is ready is my #1 way of insuring a smooth delivery. I feel confident that I have set myself up for the best outcome because the baby will naturally get into the position she needs to in order to get out when there aren’t chemical contractions squeezing her, when I can move into positions that feel right and when she still has her waters intact so that she can move easier.
As for the pain….I welcome it. The pain feedback is paramount for knowing what my body needs to do. In previous labors I have found myself in positions that I later discovered are ones they recommend for larger babies. I have felt a shoulder stuck and pushing on my pubic bone and was able to move my legs and hips in a manner which helped. I have instinctively gotten into a hanging supported squat and was able to not tear with any of my babies that were born at home. (Even on my old episiotomy scar I was given in my first hospital birth because my smallest baby was deemed “too big” to come without one) The pain feedback response is what allows me to birth my babies successfully and in all honestly my biggest babies were my easiest births.
No, I’m not sitting around all day doing nothing. I am walking 10 miles of hills every week, taking care of 4 other children, making healthy meals and not fretting. I don’t need reminders of “natural induction methods”, ie – asked if I’m having sex, walking, eating spicy foods, bouncing on balls or driving on bumpy roads. No I won’t be drinking castor oil, I’ve had enough stomach bugs this pregnancy to never want to deal with that in labor. No I won’t be having my “membranes swept”. We’re quite content just waiting it out until something arises that indicates we may need to try and entice labor to begin.
And by content I mean…..
miserably impatient. This pregnancy is dragging on and on. It’s been by far my hardest, on me, my husband and my kids. My oldest son asked me why I had to go get pregnant. My oldest daughter said she can’t wait for me to cook good meals again because their dad has taken on dinners for them and it’s been bachelor food for months. I’ve had stomach bugs and food poisoning in the past few weeks. I’ve had days when I couldn’t even walk the pain was so bad. I can’t keep up with the house or the kids or anything and I’m just waiting and waiting to meet this precious little sister that we’ve wanted for so long. Financially it’s paying a toll with visits to the chiropractor, extra food expenses, I’m pretty sure we’ve spent a fortune just on toilet paper for all the times I’ve had to pee. It’s incredibly hard. Emotionally draining. Physically exhausting. And as hard as it is to carry a very large baby in my womb, I would take that sacrifice for a healthy baby and lovely birth experience for us both. That’s the only thought that keeps me going most days.
Lastly, I have my own fears and worries. Things do happen in birth. I believe that I have set myself up for the best possible outcome with focus on my nutrition, a very knowledgeable and capable midwife and faith in the processes of my body. If I do end up in a transfer of care to the hospital, induction or surgery than I know it was medically necessary to intervene. The baby and I are being well cared for and monitored and we are waiting until my body and hers knows it’s the right time until such time that we discover there would be a reason it’s not functioning as normal. At this point we have no indication that this is anything but the normal course for me. Afterall, birth is a natural function of the human body.
So please, stop your worry! I love everyone checking in on me and all the support I’ve received. I feel so loved that everyone is thrilled to meet our newest and I know deeply that your concern is coming from love. This little girl is so blessed to have so many people who can’t wait to meet her! I hope I haven’t offended anyone with my post, I just truly felt I needed to get this off my chest. In conclusion, I thought I’d share some of my favorite ways people have checked in with me 🙂
Examples of ways to check-in with support:
“Hey Love! Just thinking of you today.”
“You are going to rock this birth!”
“Can’t wait!”
“You look amazing!!!”
“Can I bring you some chocolate?”
“How are you feeling?”
“Sending happy healthy birth wishes from…..”
“Vaginas are magical!”
Handmade Hearth 